BlogFest Contest Entry

This is my entry for Blogfest Contest hosted at Brenda Drake's blog : http://brenleedrake.blogspot.com/
Genre: Romance

“Help me”, screamed the voice.

Alex, covered with mud and sweat looked around the bare rocky edge he was standing at. He could hear the voice from all around him. His face crunched as he tried remembering the face behind the voice.

“Who is it? Where are you?”, Alex called out.

He was panting, jogging along the treacherous end of the mountain searching for the voice below. The cry of help was urgent and fear tugged his heart.

“Help me before it is too late”

Fear laced the voice too. Alex stopped to hear the source and he rushed back to where he hoped the man is. He fell on his knees, and put his palms on the brown ground trying to peek below. Ground gave away beyond the point and he staggered back scared. The edge was slanting towards the abyss and he feared he would slip down.

“Alex, where are you? Please don’t leave me here. I will die”

“I am here buddy. I am here. Can you raise your hand for me?”, said Alex faking confidence. 


He stretched on the ground on his stomach, taking a peek down below again and saw a hand waving.

“There you are!” A flutter of hope lodged at his throat and he inched closer to the edge with his hand drawn.

“Here, can you see my hand? Can you hold it?” asked Alex burshing away the thought of slipping because of the man's weight from below. It blinded him with fear.

Even as he finished, he felt a hand clutch his tightly and Alex held on to the shrub next to him tightly, praying it holds on. He pulled with all his strength and saw the black of the man’s hair on his head. Tiny relief nudged his heart, encouraging him to keep pulling him. A rustle of relieved sounds came from the man down below and it was only a matter of time he would be on the ground.

“Come on buddy. I got your back”, said Alex confidence returning to him in waves now.

“Alex. Promise me you would never leave my hand”, said the voice.

“Of course. Why would I?”, replied Alex confused. 


Doesn’t he trust me that I would save him.

“I want to live Alex. Live so that I can return to Lyla. To marry her. Hey...hold tight Alex. I am slipping”.


The panicked voice caught Alex's attention again. How does he know his Lyla? Why would he marry her!

“Who are you?” asked Alex. 


He gritted his teeth, forcing him to not forget that a man's life was in danger. The man seemed to be almost there. A small tilt and Alex could finally see his face. Right then, the man looked up at him.

“I am Andrew. Your friend who you let die”, said the man with piercing blue eyes. 

Dread gripped his heart and Alex left his hand in shock. Alex looked horrified at the momentary slip and screamed his name even as Andrew fell back in to the abyss. The last he saw was Andrew's accusing eyes and the scream to be helped.

Comments

  1. Great post! I really like the tone of urgency that is set.

    Just a note- watch your tense. It switches from past to present tense in some places, but would be easy to fix with a few changes in word choices.

    Best of luck!

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  2. Thank you Kaleen! I am glad you liked it! :)
    I struggle with the tense change honestly and thank you for pointing that out to me! It reminds me to clean up a bit more!

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  3. I really enjoyed this as well, and I want to know more about Andrew and Alex.

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  4. @LS: Thank you! :)

    @Tracey: Thank you! I hoping to let the world know about them soon! :)

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  5. Loved the suspense of the story. Good one..

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  6. Very intense. But I think it's more than 300 words....

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  7. Uho...my sincere apologies! It is indeed more than 300 words! I don't know how I missed that. I think i will let brenda know to officially rule me out of the contest though anyone can hop over and read the post. Thank you for highlighting it!

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  8. Great suspense! I loved how stressed it made me!

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  9. I enjoyed this, but I was disappointed at the end. Even though it was a nightmare about a real-life happening, I feel a little cheated. Nice scene, though.

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  10. @Peggy - Thank you Peggy!

    @Jennifer - Thank you and sorry you are disappointed. This scene is from my romance novella and it is more about Alex and Laila than Andrew. This is the way he is often reminded about his guilt. So, it was just a nightmare. :)

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  11. Poor Alex. His guilt is eating him. Great scene! It had a lot of tension!

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  12. Great scene with lots of tension but the last sentence was a big letdown. Think about deleting it before the judges come around. After all, you're supposed to leave us(them) breathless, right?

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  13. @Nicole - Thanks! :)

    @Cat - Thanks! I think you are right. You are the second person to point this out and now, I have removed the last couple of lines. But I wonder if they judges have not already gone through this! :) In anycase, as long as it helps my readers, I am going to do it! Thank you for pointing that out.

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  14. Thank you for participating in Can You Leave Us Breathless? Blogfest Contest. Your entry has been judged.

    Good luck!

    The Judges
    (Connie, Joannine, Marissa, and Brenda)

    ReplyDelete

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